is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
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