I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
