Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
