Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Nobody cheats on THIS.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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