I wish I could teleport
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
