I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
