sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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