its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
