He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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