she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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