Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
