I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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