Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
