6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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