Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
