her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
