we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
