He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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