just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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