I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
