dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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