I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
