Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
