The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
