when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
