I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
