Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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