hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
