You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
