There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
