roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
