Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My liver just had a heart attack.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
