I just pynch a tree in the face
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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