Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
