apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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