Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
