Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
