no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
