So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
