i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
