Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
