i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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