if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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