i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
