I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
