Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
