Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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