dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
