Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
