Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize