You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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