Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
