I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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