fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
