I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
