Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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