But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
