He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
