I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
