how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
