I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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