I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
