She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My vagina is officially offended.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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